September 2012

I am a captive
In a web I have created myself--
My screams never go beyond my throat
They stay contained along with my tears.

The struggle to break free
Gets me nowhere--where would I go?
So I fall back into my trap
And die again.

My face is covered by the venom,
My ears hear the grinding and crunching
Each touch is like a burning coal
No one is happy--why?

I think of the day when I will fly
But maybe I am fooling myself.
Maybe I am not being held,
Maybe I am the captor--

This is my life
I need to control and manipulate.
I've been hiding for so long
I would not recognize freedom--

I am a captive
In a web I have created myself.

PrayApril 2011

I prayed last night.

Searching the heavens, the Universe, my heart...
for an answer - a light - a way through.

Who heard my plea?
God, Goddess, Mary, Jesus, Sophia...
The Flying Spaghetti Monster!

My heart is asking - begging.
For wisdom.
For peace.

 April 2011
I've heard that 'Love Wins'?
But does it?
What if love doesn't win?
What if love gets run over like so much litter on an expressway...
Lifted by the wind created by the traffic
Dragged back down by gravity only to be battered again and again
Until it catches another wafting updraft,
Hanging momentarily on a current, only to be pulled down?

'Love Wins'?

Love is a man's game.
Child's play.
A fool's token.

Love sucks!

Self-protection is what wins.
Fighting back.
Rising up.
Demanding more.
Rejecting fools.
Embracing MY power.
Lifing up MY voice.
Sending out MY demands.

I will love.
I do love.

But I must reenvision love.
Is it a word
Used carelessly
Tossed about recklessly?
I don't think so.

Love is the action, seen, felt, understood.
If you love someone, and they do not know it, is it really love?
If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it...

Love isn't grey.
Of all the things in the world,
It is. Or it isn't.

Don't be confused by loves' counterfeit.
Love is not that obligation.
Your responsibility.
This burden.
You don't always love that which you are obliged to or responsible for or burdened by
Even though you may think you do.

Today, I have a REAL chance to be a better example. Will I fail. Again?

March 2011

Have I become invisible?
I have dropped off the face of the earth
And no one wonders where I am...

I speak.
No one hears
I bleed.
No one sees

I know I am not invisible.
Because people keep asking for more
And I am giving out of my emptiness..

I scream
But there is no sound.
I cry
And I am alone.

How does invisible feel?
It hurts, it is cold, it is angry, it is sad
But the world keeps moving while I am still...

I ask.
The answer does not come.
I plead.
The silence is deafening.

I call to God.
The wind blows cold and silent.
The words mock me and become another void.

Deceived.  Weak.
Suffer alone in the cold
And lonely and deadly

I will cry out to the Goddess.

Oh Mother, lover of my soul,
Embrace me with your love.
Nourish me with your radiance.
Fill my emptiness with your healing.

The sun breaks through the fog.
The spell is broken.  The Mother has spoken.

I am loved.
And heard.
And necessary.
And wanted.
And needed.
And seen.

I am no longer invisible!

All Words are the property of Kimber Caldwell
©2012 Kimber Caldwell

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